Love is like a gust of wind

I have to confess that I’m a heavy user of Jack D and BoyAhoy. So what am I doing there? Chances are im hunting for a nice decent meal to feed my appetite or to get more bitches in my circle or just to hook up with someone. I doubt that I could ever hook up with someone from there as some of people there are rather superficial (I said some).

Seriously, I have too little time to reply all the messages there, not to promote myself as super gorgeous that people text me all the time but somehow I find it rude to leave their inquiries unanswered. Unlike those superficially good looking guys who ignore your message. Maybe I’m too flirtatious so need to continue the game lol..

Anyway, one common question they would ask me there is my relationship status, I told them that I’m single still and why single. If I’m attached, what on earth am I doing there in those gay apps?

I know the earlier Alvin is like a poor whore who was dying to be attached for the sake to be attached.

But I believe that Alvin has changed. That Alvin now is self-sufficient, he is playful and he knows what he wants in a relationship.

Honestly, I was devastated for all those failed relationships.  I’m so afraid and so phobia to have a new relationship. I always have this perception that every good start relationship will end in disaster.

 I don’t have that pretty face and I’m not loaded – that’s why I always afraid someone who is prettier than me and more loaded than me will steal my another half away. 

Moreover, I’m a drop dead diva, surely people will not tolerate me and leave.

Pathetic thoughts would not lead me to a happily ever after relationship. Really, I always have this policy “enjoy it while it last” as I know someday they will leave me when the feeling is gone and the moment has faded. I’m really afraid of failed relationships. I’m sick of rejections. I’m tired of empty promises.

I know it sounds dismal. Sorry. I guess I should perceive life in more positive light. Love is like a tornado. You can’t stop it when it comes. You find calm and serenity in the eye of the storm.  Eventually, you face the devastation and the mess when it leaves. Just embrace what God has plans for you alright?

I’m not sure I will find anyone in near future if it does, that person gonna convince me to adolescently believe in love again.  

I know at this juncture, after reading this entry, there is someone in your mind right? To be honest, there’s only one person in my mind when I wrote the entire entries in this blog.

P/S: B is not an exclusive letter.